The Drawer
by Ingrid L. Taylor
Get up
even if you don’t feel like it
make your bed
pay special attention to the wrinkles and folds
take time to smooth the edges
Go to the drawer
take out the knife
the one you use to cut open packages
the one with the orange handle
that’s easy to find
Take hold of it
see your wrists sliced
not horizontally, but the right way
lengthwise
down the arm
opening palm to elbow like a highway
scarlet with possibility
Imagine this
but don’t do it
turn away from the drawer
avert your eyes
take a deep breath.
Now take your dog for a walk
See how he finds joy
in what others have thrown away
the whiff of burger grease in an empty paper bag
a lost sock, flattened and mud streaked.
See how he lifts his leg
to mark his place in the world.
When you return home
find a pen and a piece of paper
no, not that drawer—
the other one.
Make a list of what you love
pickup trucks
fresh cut hay
pancakes drenched in syrup
the first thirty minutes of a road trip
your lover at your side
and nothing but hopeful miles between
you and the sunrise.
Remember to add your name to the list.
Do this every day
even when you don’t feel like it.
“I’m a former U.S. Air Force public health officer, and this poem is about the ongoing trauma brought on by PTSD—how it is a daily battle to fend off the urge to destroy oneself. It’s also about how one can never return to that same sense of belonging in the world that existed before the trauma. But, ultimately, the poem offers hope that, although it seems one’s world has irrevocably changed due to PTSD, it is possible to find a new place within it.” —Ingrid L. Taylor
Ingrid L. Taylor is a poet, essayist, and veterinarian whose poems have most recently appeared in the Southwest Review, Ocotillo Review, Black Bough Poetry, and others. She received Punt Volat Journal’s Annual Poetry Award in 2021, is a Pushcart nominee, and was a featured poet in the Horror Writers Association’s Annual Poetry Showcase, vol. 8. Her nonfiction has appeared in HuffPost, Sentient Media, and Feminist Food Journal. She has been awarded support for her writing from the Playa Artist Residency, the Horror Writers Association, and Gemini Ink. Find out more about her work at ingridltaylor.com.